Why oh Why?

I have come to a sad realization that as much as I want to say that I know my body, or what my body is feeling, the reality is I don’t know shit about my body.  This week I am mentally in a haze, or fog, yet physically I haven’t felt this strong in many years. 

I’ve felt very good about my eating, yet the scale is trending in the opposite direction.  I have gotten ample sleep each night, but the in early afternoon I could use a nap, and I never take naps.  After a workout my muscles are stretched so I feel good for most of the day, but when I wake up I feel like Frankenstein, trying to walk for the first time. 

I guess I am going to have to accept the fact that my body is going to respond to the stimuli that I give it however it wants to respond.  Maybe as much as I feel that I’m in control of how I am going to look, that my body has a natural state of equilibrium that I just can’t overcome. 

Or maybe I’m just a big fat load, and should accept that I will always be a big fat load…

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I can’t accept that…I won’t accept how my body is responding this week, guess what body you fucked up, I tried to give you some time off to relax and recover, how do you respond?  By adding weight to the scale, guess what fuck oh, next week you are going to be in for a rude fucking awakening. 

I will not accept where I am today, I am in control of how I will look, the choices I make every moment of my life will determine the final outcome, whether or not this is reasonable is no longer important, if I wanted reasonable results I would act reasonably, I want drastic performance driven results.   The kind of results that make people go, what the fuck just happened?

Why oh why…Fuck the why!  I’m driven by the end, the progress, the movement forward, and the outcome of all that I am doing.  If it’s time to change it up again I will, I have two workouts planned tomorrow, and only one for Friday, maybe I need to do two tomorrow and two Friday.  In any case I am going to adapt to my present weight gain, and find a different approach to finish the week.

Why is meaningless, because the how, and the consequences of the how are the only things that matter…

08/03/2011 Daily Recap

This is my first Wednesday of not doing multiple workouts.  What a strange feeling all this time on a day off…only if owning a business allowed a person to stick a regular schedule, I  actually ended up at work to assist with some serious technical issues.  It wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t have to go to work I wasn’t planning on doing any other workouts today was supposed to be an attempt to slow things down; if anything I would have ended up at the driving range for a couple of hours.

In any case it was strange not killing myself on a Wednesday; I think I might amp it up for a day tomorrow.  The scale is not my friend this week, I am gaining weight, and I just don’t know how that’s humanly fucking possible.  I’m not angry at all though…

In any case today was my third straight day of Crossfit workouts, I’m finding that the Crossfit method is taxing me in such a unique way, it’s hard for me describe as I am tired but not physical drained.  It makes me feel revitalized immediately afterwards, and in the early afternoon I feel like I’m in a cloud or a haze.  Perhaps it’s not Crossfit but what I’m eating that’s causing the haziness, yet I can’t imagine what that would be as I have stuck to my meal plans this entire week. 

The Workout of the Day involved doing 4 sets of 3 presses, and the Metcon involved rounds of 3 thrusters, 6 toes to bars, and 9 box jumps for 7 minutes.  We worked the press or standing shoulder press with partners.  I started my work sets at 85 lbs, and worked up to 105 lbs. 

I had some trouble in the middle of my work sets as I was bouncing, or thrusting from my legs a bit, during the overhead press you are supposed to keep your legs silent so all the work comes from your shoulders. 

During the Metcon I screwed up a couple of things, first three rounds I did 6 thrusters instead of 3, and on the third round I did 7 box jumps while Brian was counting in the video you seem him point at the box and me look at the box like an unhappy school aged child who has just been caught cheating.  I truly can’t count.  I ended up doing 6 full rounds and 12 additional reps, 3 thrusters, 6 leg raises, and 3 box jumps. 

I love the output that happens at Crossfit although the videos are hard for me to watch because I look so incredibly uncoordinated.  All I can do is to continue to go and try and improve, but I can’t help feeling like big fat blue fin tuna flopping around on the deck of a boat.