08/08/2011 Daily Recap

I started my morning depressed for the second day in a row.  I am well past pissed, or frustrated and just distraught.  I didn’t roll out of bed until 9 AM, which is about 3.5 hours later than I normally get up.  I just found that I had no mojo. 

A big portion of it was emotional yet; a small part of it was that I didn’t eat anything the day before.  The 8 hours of indigestion that I had yesterday made it impossible to even think about food consumption, so I did the one thing that I shouldn’t do which is not eat.

To be honest I think after what I saw on the scale yesterday I probably would have done exactly the same thing even without digestive issues. 

I find myself in a deep whole, in a dark place…

The kind of place that 4 months of ago would have sent me on a course right back to 400 lbs.

I only know one way to overcome something difficult, keep pushing.   When I finally got up out of bed, I took the dog for a 2 mile walk, and then came home.  I ate for the first time in almost an entire day, and waited to go to the gym.

I sat on the couch to give myself an opportunity to digest my food; it turned into two hours of wasted time.  I wasted a few hours just playing a dumb video game, I didn’t want any thoughts in my head, nor did I want to contemplate the reasons why I was feeling so crappy.

When I did finally decide to get off of my ass, I walked to the gym, and got onto the Arc Trainer.  My original intent was to do a session of Mountain, 12 increases of intensity every three minutes.  I started with the incline at level 10, and the resistance at level 40, normally at these levels I’m not working hard. 

It’s more of a warm-up, but today I was uninspired, lacked any fuel, and really didn’t care about the work.   I looked like one of these people who get on a piece of cardio, who watch TV, read, text, wipe their ass, brush their teeth, do their taxes while working out.  As I increased the resistance level my pushing of the handles and strides got slower. 

When I reached resistance level 70 near the 30 minute mark, I gave up.  I told myself this was a waste of time trying to do Mountain.  I was able to save my workout by taking another 30 minutes and doing a session of treading.  I made up my mind that I wanted to finish an hour of cardio.

I hate doing cardio like this now, but I felt that I just needed to get my body moving.   After I finished I did 4 sets of squats and went home.

1. 3 reps at 175 lbs
2. 3 reps at 195 lbs
3. 3 reps at 205 lbs
4. 3 reps at 225 lbs

This is the first time I’ve squatted 225 since college.  I am happy I’m making progress, and I’m happy to be back on board.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better overall.