Mental Oh Fuck

At the close of business yesterday I felt fantastic.  I reached a level of performance, and work output that I hadn’t reached in a few weeks.  

When I woke up this morning I was ready for some more, I was prepared to push my body to its limits, but my mind was not ready for frustration.  The work that I started to do with Ian turned into a tantrum, I actually threw down dumbbells like a petulant child.  As a result of my emotional state Ian kept pushing my buttons, and had me do things which required more mental stamina than physical, I found myself losing balance, miss stepping, and telling myself I can’t do it, it didn’t matter what it was, I just wasn’t willing to do it.   

After the hour session was over, Ian was pissed, I was pissed, and not much had been accomplished.  In having a discussion about the hour, Ian made a great point which has resonated with me for most of the day.  It’s something that everyone knows, and we pretend to live by, but when tested this one thing is the difference between the truly great achievers, and those of us who always aspire to do more.  Those who achieve excellence, work on the areas of their lives which they are weakest, and require the highest degree of improvement.  They are always working to improve the skills, or parts of their lives which give them trouble whereby making everything appear easy.

It is so undemanding to just be complacent, to revel in the short term success, and not look forward to the bigger picture, and push the areas of our lives which prevent us from progressing.  Those parts of our lives that we know we have to improve, yet never find the time to make those improvements.

Athletes who become the best in their sports, talk about how getting to the top is always easier, than staying on top, but the ones who do stay on top the longest, stay on top because they work the hardest to push the barriers of performance, and always look to improve what is not going well, or deficient in their game.

I have started to fix the many aspects of my life which lead me to 443 lbs, and it has gotten me to a sub 300 lbs weight, but I realized today that in order to reach my goal, and shed another 100 lbs, I have to truly change from being an average person, to being an exceptional person, I will accomplish this by always striving for quality, building on those areas in my life where I am strongest, and working to improve those areas of my life which are lacking. 

I have to take that next mental step in my evolution, it’s going to be the hardest one, because this is not just about my weight or present state of mind, it’s something deeper, it cuts to the very core of who I am as a person. 

I’ve written before that most obese people are damaged.  If you don’t have a metabolic or genetic disorder which causes you to be overweight, it’s a manifestation of something deeper.  Trust me I know, I’ve been on all sides of the fat skin line, if you are a miserable prick fat, you will be a miserable prick thin.  It’s like those lottery winners who think they will solve all their problems, and then when they do win it, they lose all of it because their behavior patterns and lifestyle are exactly the same as before. 

This epiphany today was substantial, I just don’t know how long it will take to implement into my life, when faced with these types of mental hurdles, I have to recondition how I respond to them.  My personality is the type that can grind through anything, put my head down and go, but when I have to channel my frustrations or anger into something, I lose patience and either give up or get really pissed, and go into an angry guy coma which causes me to be apathetic towards the issue.

This is what I have to change.  I have to learn to channel my frustrations into positive work…

Now how do I get there?

Daily Recap

Am Workout Ian

Yeah it sucked…

I don’t remember much but being pissed, and wanted to punch Ian in the balls.

Evening Workout

As my penance for being a big bitch in the morning, I headed to my first evening Crossfit Class.  Being dead lift day, I wanted to do the work today. 

The WoD included 7 sets of 1 rep dead lifts at 90% of my 1 rep maximum, followed by a 7 minute AMRAP of 5 Overhead Squats, and 15 box jumps (yeah I fucking hate box jumps, another reason I wanted to come to the workout).

I did all of my work sets for the dead lift today at 305 lbs, which is about 20 lbs heavier than 90% of my 1 rep max.  It was tough and my technique broke down a bit towards the end, Coach Brian aka Crossfit Otter (if you don’t get the reference you are either not cool, or too fucking young, either way you are lame), gave me a few pointers which helped, so I ended up doing 9 sets to work on my technique and make sure my last two reps were the best ones.

Crossfit Otter also screwed with my roll, he taught me the hook grip, which requires you to put your thumb underneath the bar, and your four other fingers, whereby squishing the shit out if it with the bar.  Apparently this technique helps hold the bar as the weights get heavier, and you fatigue, my personal life being what it is overworked forearms are already a problem, so anything to help hold on for dear life. 

It’s the Crossfit Kung Fu Grip. 

The metcon today was 7 minutes of 5 overhead squats which I did at 95 lbs, and 15 box jumps which I did at 20 inches.  After my two attempts to face plants, I decided I would try my best to keep good form.  I ended up completing 4 full rounds and 15 reps. 

As I sit here and type my lower, back, hamstrings, neck, and quads hurt. 

The lesson for today, after two days of double duty, I hurt.