Official Weigh In 12/04/2011

271.4 lbs

Body fat % Forgot to calculate

I just have one thing to say to Ian Bradley and everyone who has given me advice over the last few weeks…fuck you…thank you.  After protein intakes of 219 grams, 305 grams, 209 grams, 243 grams, and 258 grams, I finally was able to move the scale.  It was tough trying to consume the extra 700 calories a day.  It felt like I was gorging. 

I realize this is probably something that is temporary in terms the rate of weight loss, but it does feel good to finally make progress towards 250 lbs.  It is what it fucking is…

Why running sucks, an essay by a fat guy.

What is the purpose of running? 

Normally it’s a physical response to avoiding pain, and danger.  You know like when a tiger is hungry, and the only thing to eat is you, or when you are walking down the street in a big city, and a couple of shady characters give you the “I’m gonna get your ass” stare.  Sometimes it’s even a tool used by criminals, when having been caught committing a crime, use this strange technique to avoid the po-pos. 

In the rare occasion it can be useful, when trying to be the first in line to buy tickets, or purchase something at a significant discount, or secure your place in the line of free shit.  If you haven’t seen someone in a long time, you may want to move those feet faster to get the place you are headed a few moments faster, but you can typically achieve this same thing by, oh I don’t know hailing a taxi, jacking a Segway, or hitching a ride with someone who is wheelchair bound.

But for the majority of people, a majority of the time, it is about as useful as your Palm Pilot, Beeper, Brick Cell Phone utility belt, or about as useful as the Cerebal Cortex of Kim Kardashian, or Sarah Palin, yes you Ultra Conservative Bobblehead, Sarah Palin is exactly the same person as Kim Kardashian, deal with it, and Rush Limbaugh is a hypocritical douchebag, so quoting him or Anne Coulter makes you look like, oh I don’t know an asshole.  Life is so much better when you can think for yourself, and not spend it repeating the same talking points of these people.  At least Kim Kardashian, shows us her ass and boobs via a sex tape.

Back to my original point, with my subtle feelings about running, I have committed to two runs next year.

What the fuck you say?  Say it isn’t so…

I have now committed to a Tough Mudder in May in the Twin Cities, and a 5k which I promised my sister I would do with her.  Both commitments made because of personal wishes to interact with people who are important to me.

What the hell did I get myself into…I wonder if they make an off road Segway?

Brief Recap of Workouts

Thursday

Thursday morning’s WoD was a good one, we worked on Snatches.  I wasn’t feeling too energetic so I stuck with a lower weight in an attempt to stick to my form, even in doing so I was unable to maintain a concrete effort.  I kept pulling the bar too early, which turns the maneuver into an upper body row, rather than an entire pull and drop underneath the bar.

I did 5 sets 2 at 95 lbs, and 3 at 115 lbs.

The Metcon on this day was a 21-15-9 of Russian Kettlebell Swings, Wallball, and Knees to Elbows.  I did the prescribed work on the Kettlebell Swings, and the Wallball, whereas my knees to elbows look more like knees to FUPA, or feet off the ground.

Video below, amateur shit.

 I finished in 5:52.  I then rowed 6300 meters, preemptive to RJP, thank you for your kind comments.

Friday I took OFF

Saturday Morning

It was a Hero WoD, workouts which are dedicated to fallen Veterans, Police Officers, and Fire Fighters.  Saturday’s was named after US Army Staff Seargent Marc Small, of Pennsylvania; you can read more about him here, http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/007687.html.  

The work is 3 rounds of the following:

• Row 1000 Meters
• 50 Burpees
• 50 Box Jumps 24”
• 800 meter run

I signed my brother in-law up for foundations, and Saturday was the first WoD he had done, it just so happened it was on a day of a Hero WoD.  I scaled down the Burpees to 40, and the box jumps to 40, we had an allocation of time that only amounted to about 45 minutes. 

Because of the number of people we had to partner up, so one person ended up rowing, while the other ran, I chose to run first, so I did everything the same except I did the running first, then the rowing last.

There is no video, because I didn’t give a shit, and to be honest I didn’t want anyone see my silly mannerisms that happen when I started to get tired, the twitching, the mini baby steps back and forth, the self hating, and the massive volume of sweat being collected on the floor.

Round 1

During the run, I had a sweatshirt, and Beanie on, because it was cold.  My thought through the entire run, “It’s Cold, It’s Cold, It’s Cold”.

As soon as I got back into the gym I started the burpees.  After about 7, I knew 50 would have taken the entire hour.  I told myself I’ll scale down to 25 burpees.  When I reached 25 I thought, why not shoot for 35 which was the second scaled option.  Then I got to 35, and thought 40 is so much closer to 50 which is the prescribed number than 35, so I got to 40. 

I started the 40 box jumps, and this is still difficult for me, I don’t know if its technique, body weight, or just my own mental shit, but I can’t get them connected, and I really despise the downward impact.  After about 20 I had start to step down, instead of jumping down. 

The row, my goal with the row was to maintain a pace that was under 2:10 per five hundred meters.  I set the dampener at 10, and went to town.

Immediately after this joyous moment, I went for another 800 meter run.

Round 2

During this part of the run, I thought “do-ta-do-ta-do”, and I thought let me try and chase Jen down, and then I thought, not going to happen, she’s moving too fast, then I thought, why is the return part uphill, and finally I thought “I really dislike running”.

Burpees became significantly more difficult, I tried to break them down into sets of 5, I would do 5 take three deep breathes, and go again.  At the 20^th one, I thought my strategy was getting weaker, so I pushed to 6-8 per rest.  By the 40^th one, my jump, was more of a hop and skip.

The box jumps became increasingly more difficult, I had to step back down on each one, and maintaining my balance at the top was tough.  I started to use my arms as levers to mobilize upward.

The rowing, wasn’t so bad, I pushed this time to get my pace below 2:10 per 500 meters.  When I finished I returned to the final run.

Round 3

With time no longer on my side, I started down the road for my run; my head was void of any thought, just a single idea “This Sucks, This Sucks, Women who do Crossfit have nice asses, This Sucks, This Sucks”. 

When I came back from the run I went to Pete who was coaching, and I told him, whatever happens let me finish.

Burpees suck.  That was the sentiment in my final round of work.  I had to break down the sets to 5 for two sets, then to 3 at a time, and eventually the final 5 I just gutted them out.  My pace doubled for the final 5, I was like a fat guy at the entrance of a buffet, I steam rolled those last 5 burpees.  Fuck you burpee, I win today.

Box Jumps, if you want to know what it’s like to try box jumps as a senior citizen, then watching me do the last 40 is probably what it looks like, the only thing that would have made it more accurate is if I had a cane, or a spotter.  I had to use my arms as like a mental lever, and every time I jumped up I felt like I was trying to push through the air, like a fat lady walking in a pool, pushing the water around her.    

When I finished the last one, I jump all the way onto the box, and stumbled off of it to my rower.  The final row, I was watching the clock, I wanted to finish less than 50 minutes, so I pushed myself hard to keep my pace under 2 minutes per 500 meters.  I gave it everything I had, and was able to complete the WoD in 48:54. 

My brother in-law completed 2 rounds, he said that his strength felt fine, but his cardiovascular system just wasn’t ready for the work, I’m happy he got a taste because if anyone will get into Crossfit it’s him.

Thank Smalls, for serving this country, and thank PCF for kicking my ass in honor of his sacrifice.