12/12/11 Recap

I spent a good deal of yesterday feeling like…shit.  Yesterday’s WoD was a simple work session of front squats, and a timed 2000k meter row.  It wasn’t called a sprint, but to some degree it is, it’s an attempt to row to 2000k meters as quickly as possible. 

On working on my Front Squats I was able to do 3 sets of 3 at 135 lbs, and 2 sets of 3 at 155 lbs.  The actual weight for squat is not heavy, trying to maintain an upright chest, and my elbows and shoulders in rack position are the real challenge.  It’s also a challenge getting used to holding the bar with two fingers while it rests on my shoulders, the two fingers don’t support much of the weight but do function as stoppers, and balance points.  Crossfit if nothing else points all of the areas that you are weak, and inflexible. 

You can see the ugliness that is my front squats below:

I'm still amazed that the plate covers my bulbous head.

The 2000 meter row was the first time I’ve done it “official” for time during a WoD.  I’ve felt a bit run down the last week, and I’m almost certain had I felt better I would have tried this with the damper at 10.  Liz was coaching the class, and suggested the damper set between 4 and 6, I of course opted for the higher number which would cause me greater pain.    

My goal was to get the time under 8 minutes, because I knew if I didn’t I would get shit from Shady con Shady.  The 2k is not a long distance, but trying to maintain a speed which is less than 2 minutes per 500 meters over 2k meters is tough.  The first 1000 meters wasn’t so bad, I was maintaining a split time of 1:48-1:52. 

Starting at 1200 meters I hit the proverbial wall, I just needed a moment to be able to recover, and then sprint the last 800 meters, but with such a short distance amount of time resting wasn’t an option.  In this third 500 meter piece is where I started to feel unhinged, I ended up finishing the 500 with a split time which was greater than 2 minutes. 

In the final 500 I was rowing on will, at this point the timer is your enemy because every second wasted here can’t be made up.  I pushed as much as I could, with 250 meters left, I was looking like I would get a time in the range of 7:30, but I just gassed out, and ended up with a time of 7:43. 

I didn’t feel great, but I was happy that I was under 8 minutes, knowing that commentary would ensue.  Later in the day I saw a posting from Potmac Crossfit of the Personal Records for the 2k meter row, and the top time by Drew S. is 6:38.  That’s a number that is insane, the world record for the actual 2k meter row on the water for an individual is 6:33 set in 2009. 

Doing it on the water is obviously tougher dealing with the elements, and water conditions, but it should give you an idea of the athleticism of Drew. 

When I finished, I debated whether or not to do extra cardio work, it didn’t take long to convince myself that you achieve your goals by doing the things you don’t want to do, and pushing yourself when you have nothing left.  Ben Hogan was once asked where he got his golf swing, and he said “I dug it out of the ground”, this from the man who used to practice hitting golf balls until his hands bled, and became a Major Champion after he was involved in a near fatal car accident, which the doctors told him he would never walk again. 

People like this inspire me, to be more, and do more than anyone ever expected of you, not because you had some vendetta about people putting you into a tiny box but, doing something because you believed you could, and then overcoming the obstacles that appeared along the way without reservation because it’s what you wanted.  It’s about you, and the satisfaction you feel from achieving what you set your mind to be…

I set the damper to 10 and I rowed three five minute pieces, with a 3 minute recovery period in between each five minute piece.  I then did two sprints one 1 minute sprint, with a 3 minute recovery and then a 2 minute final sprint.  I ended up rowing 6443 meters in 30 minutes. 

I don’t get prideful very often, but for some strange reason I felt good about myself for having done the 6000 meters.  I would pay the price the rest of the day.

I spent the rest of the day walking like an old man, or someone a guy who had lost his ass virginity the night before.  I found it hard to get in and out of my car because of the muscle soreness and tightness.  I texted Liz at some point during the day to tell her that she was right, that I should have taken it easy. 

Feeling spent most of the day, I took it easy with work (one of the few privileges of being the boss), and went home early.  When I got home I still felt like shit, so I texted Liz to setup an appointment for a personal session the next day to do some more stretching.  It’s fucking insane that I won’t go do an hour of stretching on my own, but will when I have to pay someone else to stand there…making fun of me…or at least laughing at me…I think the last time we did this Liz got excited when my faced contorted into undiscovered territory because the pain I was feeling was different, and probably because I didn’t know that area could feel sore. 

I am a broken person, trying to fix who I am, this feeling of inadequacy, or desire to feel better about myself physically is something I’ve felt for so long, I can’t remember what it’s like not to have this feeling.  I can’t imagine a world which doesn’t cause me to push my physical boundaries, in order to change who I am, I realize much of how I got to a place of morbid obesity is completely unrelated to how I felt physically, and more to do with how I felt emotionally, and I used food as a coping tool.

In trying to better myself, and be more of the person that I have been destined to become, how do I overcome this innate desire to work myself into oblivion, is this a self-destructive pattern manifesting itself in a new arena, or is it the driving force of how I’ve gotten to my present weight, and how I will get to the next platform in my development. 

The strange reality that I felt yesterday was that the self-medicated numbness I used to feel from over eating is reappearing on the days I feel overworked.  It’s a quieter world, and I don’t know if it’s healthy. 

At what point is the drive going to drive me into the ground?

I’ve always felt that all obese people are broken inside, the break may not be as deep or as big as I once felt, but it takes a great deal of effort to make your body so healthy that it wants to kill itself, I am today questioning whether or not I am projecting my own shit on all the other fatty’s out there…my guess is that the truth is somewhere in the middle, which I clearly am not near.