12/22/2011 Learning to Rest, and Shopping Fucking Sucks

Wednesday I went to Patriot Crossfit around 9 AM, I was taking the day off and wanted to get some extra sleep, I figured this would give me a little extra energy and the ability to rest my legs a little longer.  I’ve been dealing with a tight left groin, and strangly tight in my butt dimple, this is especially strange because I’ve never had a butt dimple before.

I am almost inclined to try on some Lululemon pants to see if my ass looks as fine as most women’s do in the ubiquitous black yoga pants found in every gym. 

When I got to Patriot I felt pretty good ready for a good workout, I stretched and focused on loosen my hips, hamstrings, and groin.  Every time I stretch the groin I feel like a combination of an old man, and an injured bear.  Trying to get into the stretches I am clumsily contorting to maximize the stretch, and once I’m done with stretch I am getting out of it using any support or leverage I can find. 

The workout involved doing jerks, behind the neck jerks, push jerks, and split jerks.  I was able to work most of the jerks at 135 lbs, and did the final set of jerks at 155 lbs.  It was the Metcon that destroyed me, not only causing muscle failure but further aggravating my groin and hamstring. 

The metcon was to do 5 rounds of 5 front squats, and 5 muscle ups.  If you can’t do muscle ups you had to substitute 3 pull ups, and 3 ring dips for each muscle up, which means I had to do 15 pulls ups, and 15 ring dips per round. 

I was surprised to find that I was able to do the ring dips with a green band, and I tried to the pull ups with my fat guy black band and a green band.  I quickly learned that doing pull ups with bands is a huge leap towards pull ups over ring rows. 

After the first two rounds I felt ok, but my legs just could not get deep enough on the front squat.  Starting with the fourth round I dropped the weight down from 135 lbs to 95 lbs and I just couldn’t get any depth.  I switched to doing lunges with a 45 lbs weight, but my left leg could not push at all to get off the ground so I just did walking lunges. 

This is the first metcon I did not finish, and it was disheartening, further exasperating my feelings was that after the WoD my legs were done.   I spent the entire day feeling every bit of soreness and tightness while shopping. 

I made a conscious decision that evening to rest.  I decided fuck it, better to take 4 days off and work on recovering, then continuing to reinforce bad habits because my muscles are so tight that it alters my form, and seeing as I’ve worked through this pain for two weeks perhaps it’s time to just back away.    

This is a very difficult decision, and trying not to go to a WoD is really hard.  When I read Thursday mornings Metcon it was extremely hard not to just go, the work involved two things I can more than do without scaling, so it would have been another Rx workout for me, alas I made the smart choice and stayed away. 

It was evening harder this morning reading that the WoD involved a 1 mile time trial, as I’ve been wanting to run a bit but my distaste for moving one foot faster than the other has prevented me from running at all, I really do hate fucking running, so whenever running is part of a WoD I detest it and appreciate it at the same time because it forces me to do something I’m not good at do not enjoy. 

Deliberate practice is a term I picked up from “Talent is Overrated”, it’s attributed to be the single largest reason that separates average performances from great performance.  Those of us who are “gifted” in an area tend to work harder than most, and will focus on those areas that we are weakest in order to improve overall performance.  I am trying to apply this to my workouts but something mentally prevents me from running.  I just hate it; as much as I want to I just can’t bring myself to run.

Getting back to my original point I really wanted to get up and do today, but I’ve made a decision to rest my legs.  I may do some cardio this evening to get blood moving through them, so I can stretch it out.  I haven’t decided whether or not I will do tomorrow, but if it involves some type of squat I think I am going to stay away until my leg feels fully recovered.  Either way Monday is the first day I will be back on the ball.

Shopping Sucks

Top five things I hate more than myself:

5. Ryan Seacrest

He's so cool!

• I can’t stand this docuhie asshole who has a career and makes far more money than I do, he is the motherfucking antichrist, the fact that he makes a living that can allow him to dictate to other people that he needs a helicopter to transport him from his radio show to American Idol studios tells me that the fucking world is going to end, and that Satan walks the earth among us, how else can you logically fathom his existence?

4. BMW Drivers

• I myself drive a BMW, and realize that I am a douchie asshole on the road, I don’t know what happens but some apparent genetic mutation happens to people when their hands touch the steering wheel of a BMW, it causes you to make lane changes without signaling, accelerate rapidly from a red light, weave in and out of traffic, talk shit about other people who drive non German Cars, and generally show your distain for anyone who isn’t a part of the “elite-elite”.

3. Fox News

• The idea of “Fair and Balanced is such bullshit”.  Fox News is designed to two things, make money, and deliver Republican Talking points as if they were the news.  The Chairman of Fox News Roger Allies unabashedly admits that the “news” they deliver is built around his political agenda.  In a recent Rolling Stone article they break down how over the course of the day the Chairman has direct influence as to how the message is delivered and what the message is, regardless of how my political beliefs may lean, this is way too much power for one man, and last time I checked this type of spin, isn’t news it’s PR.  So fuck you Roger Allies I hope you get hit by a fucking bus, and because I wrote this you will probably find a way to ruin my business because it is somehow linked to Obamacare. 

2. Tim Tebow

• I like my football without Religion please.  Okay we get it, you were one of the greatest college football players of all time, but I don’t care your mother decided to keep you instead of aborting you.  That’s great for you, but don’t throw your political bullshit onto the lives of other people, and if you love God fantastic, but are you really telling me that if you win God preferred your team over the other?  The one being who is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, really is petty enough to care about your fucking football game, it sounds a bit like narcissism Mr. Tebow, unfortunately for you last week God loved Tom Brady more than you, so you better pray harder and convert me asshole.  PS I have no problems with religion, or religious people, but please don’t spend your time trying to convert me.

1. Shopping Malls, or any type of shopping in general

• I spent much of my childhood in shopping malls, working for my parents during the summer, spring break, weekends, and every fucking minute I had available.  I used to stand behind the counter of a store staring at all the people going up the escalator wanting to see if I could somehow hitch a ride out of there with them.
• I hate the existence of shopping malls, I hate the hours of inane time that is wasted walking around looking for something, the fucking people in the shopping carts who are trying to get you to try something even after you tell them to die. 
• I hate the noises of a mall, the smells, and everything about being in a closed environment designed for one thing…to shell you shit you don’t need.
• I hate it, I hate it, I fucking hate it.
• Did I mention I hate it?

So after my bad of Crossfit, I ended up spending 10 hours shopping with my girlfriend for Christmas presents, this was like being waterboarded, while having your nuts connected to a battery.  I am all Christmased out, I have spent too much, I am an angry guy but I am a thoughtfully angry guy, so when I hate you I will not just kick you in the balls but will probably find a way to cause mental anguish to you as you are grabbing your balls in pain, so when I love you I find ways to purchase thoughtful gifts.  In this circumstance, it makes shopping awful, because I am trying to one up the year before, and buy awesome presents. 

When I finished shopping I was done, I went to bed and let my girlfriend wrap all the presents, I know Chivalry at it’s best, bu as soon as she gets her Christmas presents she’ll stop complaining…