Today begins my third attempt to complete the 75 Hard Challenge. The 75 Hard Challenge created by Andy Frisella of First Phorm Nutrition is simply a 2.5-month effort to build mental toughness. Think of it as a road map to building a relentless mindset. While I at times can be relentless I have not embodied relentlessness. The challenge is as follows:

• 75 uninterrupted days 
• 2 workouts a day for 45 minutes
• 1 of the 2 workouts MUST be outdoors regardless of weather
• Read 10 Pages of NonFiction Business or Self-Improvement Book (Read mind you none of that Audible BS).
• Drink 1 Gallon of Water
• Take A Progress Pic Daily
• Choose a diet method and stick to it with absolute discipline.

My first attempt went lasted exactly 6 days. One of the nights of the initial 6 I was outdoors and tripped, I fucked up my knee, yet kept going to finish the workout. I used this knee injury on day 7 as an excuse to give up. So I started over again.

What I learned from my first week was that the intensity with which I workout would have to scale upward or I’d injury myself, or worse lose my fucking mind. I know I could do it, the problem I faced was the ability to function in other areas of my life. I’d exert myself to the point where the only thing I could do was sit and stare. Now maybe that’s part of the challenge is learning to push myself in other areas of my life, maybe it isn’t I just knew the types of pains I felt were borderline injury. I kept asking myself the questions “Am I injured or am I hurt?”.

This realization didn’t mean I’d give in and bullshit in the afternoon workouts it just meant I had to get smarter and choose to incorporate mobility, and recovery workouts on the days where my body just needed it. When you hit a certain age your body doesn’t receive as quickly, and the way I used to beat the shit out of mine wouldn’t give me much of a runway. Going into the second attempt I needed to change up a couple things.

The second attempt at #75hard really felt great. I’d overcome some serious moments. I think in week 2 of the second attempt I went to a park to walk and run. When I was halfway thru I had shit really bad I mean really bad. I ultimately ended up shitting myself, literally.

This second go around also included a moment where my niece came out and ran with me to help motivate me when it was getting hard.

I also had a huge breakthrough when I went for a walk and started pouring down rain. I stayed out and kept going to maintain my streak.

I did a workout behind the Casual Men Big & Tall because I was pissed at buying clothes there, and

I worked out barefoot one day because I forgot my shoes.

I included all these highlights because they were big moments where I was moving forward and onward. While at the same time I was building mental toughness. then…

Around day 19-20 of the second attempt. I mowed the lawns to a couple rentals I own, while mowing I started listening to the MFCEO podcast where Andy Frisella introduced the #75Hard Challenge. While listening for the third or fourth time I started feel sick, something deep in my soul started to churn. The super meaty Andy Frisella started going off on how difficult the challenge would be for most people, and that 98% of the people would fail. They’d fail for a variety of reasons including, not listening to directions and doing a modified version of the actual challenge.

At one point Andy goings into diatribe about people fucking up the little thinks like drinking enough water. Then his cohost started talking about how there was a discernible difference between those who did the challenge and those who faked it. The cohost made it sound like a membership to an exclusive club where the price of admission was doing the work. The password would be your experience. Almost as if there was a new unwritten language forming amongst those who finished the challenge. I started wondering and thinking, it didn’t feel like I was learning a new language. In fact at day 20-21 I was starting to feel like I was in a pattern. So I reflected on my preceding 3 weeks…

Was I working out 2x a day?

Fuck yes, in the rain, covered in my own shit, I was getting this part done. The work got done and in the spirit of the challenge.

Was I drinking enough water?

I think I have but I haven’t been tracking it so how do I really know?

Was I really reading 10 pages? Well I’m reading but am I actually living up to the spirit of what this challenge is about? Andy makes it clear its only 10 pages because the intent is to engross yourself in those 10 pages. Have I been reading these pages like I wanted to absorb thru my skin, or reading it like its visual candy on IG, twitter, or FB feeds? 

I didn’t have an answer, which meant I wasn’t.

Was I really taking the pictures daily? I was taking pictures, but did I really do it with intention? Did I do it everyday?

Was I really eating clean? Well I’ve been eating Keto, staying strict, and I think I’ve been getting it done…

Then I got on special scale at the gym and for the first time in 5 months my weight is up.

Well Fuck I haven’t been eating clean and if I have, I’ve clearly been overeating the calories. 

That uneasy feeling, I was having while mowing the lawn was my integrity scratching at my soul. I realized for 3 weeks I was lying to myself. I was doing a fake version of the challenge, I’d adapted the challenge without realizing I was adapting it. I realized I’ve gotten great at bending the rules to fit my needs, in a very unhealthy way. It came from a place of desiring comfort over growth.

While re-listening to the podcast the discomfort Frisella felt, well I wasn’t feeling it. He said he pushed himself everyday.  

All the next day I couldn’t hide from myself.

I felt uncomfortable. I struggled throughout the day with a competing thought do I just keep going while I improve each area? I even told myself that I’m at day 21 and if I turn everything on tomorrow on day 22, I can go 75 hard starting tomorrow which means I will have done 97 days of 2 days. ,

While this might have worked the thought of going this route made me feel like weak almost feeble. So, the next day I woke up and skipped the gym. Throughout the day I kept telling myself don’t give up this hand, just keep going while making improvements.

Then something more visceral inside of me said fuck it, dot it right or dont do it all. If I think about all the things that have gone wrong in my life in the last 5 years, it’s because I stopped following instructions when I entered into something new or different. Then I thought about all the times in my life when I’d succeed quickly at something and I realized its because I followed the instructions of those ahead of me.

I could hear in my head Andy Frisellas voice telling me stop bullshitting. The more I could hear it the more an inner voice told me don’t fucking workout today. So…I itntentionall hit it out of bounds off the 9^thtee. I tanked it.

Then in order to make it even more of a challenge in my reset, I decided to give myself a few days before I start my third attempt.

Today begins the third attempt of 75 hard. Fuck it all I’m doing it hard, and living up to each part with intention and the way it supposed to get done., Because if it isn’t hard then I’m not really doing it. 

Tony Robbins says that successful people have an uncanny ability to see things as there not worse than they are, but as they are, and then they can see things the way they can be…I’m certain in this situation that I was not being true to myself. So here I am starting again. Fucking 75 hard, going hard, being hard.