A Confession

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  1. Growing up working on the farm, this would happen all the time. Stranded in the middle of the tomato field, the closest running water would be many miles away. Couple tips for next time.
    1) Start with the sleeves, it’s pretty easy to tear the sleeves off a tshirt, use as TP, discard once complete and most will think you’re rocking a sleeveless shirt.
    2) If you’ve already lost the sleeves or showed up sleeveless (like Shane), you can cut the bottom off of your shirt. Basically, you’re just shortening the length of the shirt a few inches and once again, you can typically get away with this without too many people noticing. (note this requires you carry a small pocket knife).
    3) Lose the whole shirt together. While it will be blatantly obvious you had to sacrifice the shirt to wipe……it’s much better than going without the wipe.
    4) Finally, what we finally learned to do, was keep a roll of TP in the farm truck! Although this does not apply to your situation directly, going forward it may make sense to keep one in the car for days like this.
    Welcome to the woods poopin’ club.

  2. In response to your farm confession…
    1) Hahahaha!
    2) I’ve been told by runners that socks, and wrist bands are just as good.
    3) If I had well oiled guns like Shane’s I too would only wear sleeveless shirts, and check them out 5 meters during a 400 meter run.
    4) Have you made an appointment yet to see a Doctor?

  3. Louis, it happens to everyone. Your stomach distressed. That’s one reason why a lot of runners wake up really early and drink coffee on race day… to empty their stomach. One of the worst places you can ever be is at the porta johns before a long endurance race. EVERYONE is doing just that. So, welcome to the club 🙂 You have officially christened the world!! One of my girlfriends and I were taking a tinkle in the woods one time and, as you mentioned above once you’ve done this you have no shame, so we were discussing why chiggers never seem to climb up your legs… Let’s just say that she and I both ended up with chiggers from our short line to our waist bands… the worst. thing. ever… So, two rules: 1) don’t use poison ivy for toilet paper, choose the big leaves, they work much better when you can’t spare clothing and 2) never invite the chiggers into your shorts. But I do have to say that I am glad you have learned the true use and importance of a good/functional squat… pooping in the woods!! I look forward to the future lessons CFE will teach you 🙂

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