Day 28 After Biggest Loser Malibu

05/08/2011 7 Weeks and 51 Pounds

Official Weigh In this Morning:

05/08/2011

321 lbs

36.1% Boy Fat

Fucking great that’s how I feel! 

Last night was spent with another emotional purging.  I filled 7 trash bags of clothes, lots of nice clothes, and the majority of it purchased by my sister.  She is my older sister, and spent a good part of her early life taking care of me, when my parents first immigrated to the US, she was the baby sister, mother, and early childhood friend, so we have a strangely unique bond, it’s not in that creepy way were a brother and sister are physically too affectionate, but you would have no idea that there is a 10 year age gap between us. 

When she lived in Boston she worked for a tyrant of a boss, when I would hear the shit he would have her do, and the unrealistic expectations he would set for her I would often imagine a scene from Dirty Work were I pay some hookers to play dead underneath his desk right around the time it would be his fucking quarterly review.  For someone who was a Director level position in her company you would have thought she was his administrative assistant. 

Most of the nicer clothes formerly in my closet were ordered by her while working this shitty job, so there was a bit of attachment to the clothes.  It’s hard to throw out the material hard work of other people.  When it came time to pull them out of the closet, I had an emotional hiccup, my brain just didn’t want to throw the clothes out, I actually walked in and out of my closet three or four times, each time reaching to pull a shirt off of its hanger and then not being able to go through with it.

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I ultimately had to call her at 10:00 PM and ask if it was ok.  She laughed and said of course, get it out.  Her approval made it significantly easier, but I still felt a bit of hesitation in removing the clothing. 

What is it in our brains that cause us to fear success?  Why is that when we near the things we want with absolute certainty that we begin to question ourselves, or why is it our brain generates the hormones or chemicals that want to stymie your progress?  Where does this come from? 

I may not where it comes from, but now know what it feels like when it’s coming, and I will almost certainly from here on out, disregard it and give it a big fucking Karate Kid Crane Kick in the nose. 

My closet is almost bare except for a handful of newly purchased Polo’s, 3 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of pants, and all my workout gear.  If someone were just to examine my closet they would think I’m either just moving in or being foreclosed on. 

There is one polo which will remain one that I do plan on wearing again.  It’s a beautiful Brooks Brothers Hunter Green polo which I wore in high school.  It was my favorite shirt then and it is my favorite shirt now.   Oh yes she will be mine!

I am starting to notice that walking is easier, I am lighter on my feet, and when I walk I don’t feel as if my gut is parting the air directly in front of me.  I used to feel like my belly button was the bow of a ship cutting a path in the current. 

So for 7 weeks of work I’m feeling good, 52 lbs an average of 7.2 lbs a week.  I look forward to the next 4 weeks, because I think in that time I will taste the number 300.  My race really begins at the 300 starting block; this is all a warm up. 

 

7 responses on “Day 28 After Biggest Loser Malibu

  1. Dwayne Phillips

    Awesome man keep it up! I know how you feel about he clothes things and success and attachments. My belt loop is always my guide for how I am doing these days. Closing in on a new belt soon I hope!

  2. Sherri U

    First I have to say – YAY YOU! I understand the closet purge struggle. Good for you for letting go and clearing the space. And OMG, you must have HUGE closets with the amount of stuff you are getting rid of!
    And oh the psychologic nail you hit when you talk about fear of success…why do we hold on to the weight? Why can we be so successful in our professional lives yet booby trap ourselves when it comes to the personal sh*t. Why can’t we have it all and more important why shouldn’t we?

  3. Sherri U

    You motivated me in a different way this time. I am closet purging, and house purging. Clearing my space for the new me. Fortunately have a neighborhood garage sale next weekend so just unloading everything in the garage for now. If I make a few bucks, great. If not, off to GoodWill it will go. Shedding pounds and shedding belongings that are holding me back. Boy this feels good. Be gone past, I want my present and future!

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