Official Weigh In 11/21/2011
30.2 % Body Fat
My last official weigh in was on September 4th 2011. I weighed 283 lbs., and had a body fat percentage of 32.2%. I’m not sure how I feel; I have this internal struggle, which is split between feeling fantastic about my overall improved strength, and state of mind, yet I am disappointed at the weight loss.
I realize that the entire month of September I was suffering from burnout, and much of my ashy existence was mental fatigue from the grind that I was putting myself through, 3-4 hours a day dedicated to working out is no way to live. Even worse was trying to juggle the time place, and method of my working out, each place and person was different, and each gave me something I needed at that time to push forward, yet not having an interconnected program was compounding my exhaustion, there would be times were I overworked one particular area of the body, or my mind would be ready for something new, and I would get stuck of more of the same from 3 different places.
In retooling my regime, Crossfit emerged as the methodology I was going to stick to, it became the easy choice, my trainer at Washington Sports Club quit, Ian’s availability wouldn’t have worked out, and the idea of doing the Arc Trainer 4 times a week was like standing at the top of a hill, and preparing to roll down it in a jacket filled with nails.
Whether or not it is was the right decision, I won’t know for quite some time, it’s very possible that I could have made further strides in actual weight lost doing other things in the same time, but Crossfit has given me three things crucial to my success. First I have a set time and place I need to be if I want to workout, second there is a bigger picture in terms of the planning of the overall work, as the weeks progress various skills are challenged, and improved upon, ultimately leading to the workouts that act as barometers of performance in Crossfit, and finally I am no longer alone. I may not be part of a team, but I am not a solo act, this could be the biggest cause of my mental lack of focus in September.
Losing large amounts of weight is a solitary venture, it is an internal battle fought day in and day out, minute by minute. When you’re not trying to break a food craving, you are trying to discipline yourself enough to go workout. In losing these small battles everyday, we lose sight of the bigger goal, our health, our ability to actually live, and our capacity to grow.
You forget how small successes can help create a winning attitude, because you are focusing on your small defeats, breeding more defeat. What makes everything worse, is that when you don’t have a support system your well meaning family and friends can actually make goals more difficult.
A recent example for me, my mother who wants nothing more than to see me nice and thin, made me some soup the other day…but she delivered it to me in what might as well be described as a bucket.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with a bucket of soup? She knows I pack a prepared meal, and that I stay away from certain foods, but in her desire to be a mother delivered a bucket of soup. If I ate all of the soup that she gave me, I would probably need to run a marathon to burn it all off.
Things being what they are, having a place to go where working intensely, and focused output is part of the culture has helped renew my vigor to get back down to 200 lbs. I often teach my staff at work that they are in complete control of how they respond to customers. If someone is being a “cack”, you have the ability to “choose” not to respond to that person in a negative way, if you “choose” to respond to bad behavior with obscene behavior then you have made a choice. Be clear it’s a choice, no one can make you act a certain way.
In examining the last few months I realized that I had made a choice to be miserable. I have lived almost half of my life as an obese person, and for much of that morbidly obese, meaning on the verge of death, so reprograming that part of the brain is tough. Sometimes these choices are so ingrained and part of my subconscious that I don’t even know that I’m doing it, it’s not until later when I’m out of it that I realize how bad my state of mind was previously.
Making a newer choice is always tough, especially when you are trying to override years of negative programing, yet the overall sense of community at Crossfit has helped me make this internal choice easier, and more consistent. I know when I get up at 5 AM that at the 6AM class at Patriot I will see many of the same faces. I may not know their names, or what they do for a living but I do know something very innate about that person. How they approach a WoD and how they interact with others tells a tall tale about the core of a person. 6 months from now I could start a blog called fuckcrossfit.com, but today it’s the core of what I’m doing to overcome my obesity.
I will continue to try and lose more weight rapidly by adding various forms of cardio, but not at the cost of my newfound strength and energy. I almost have to look at the last month as establishing a newfound baseline, for future performance.
Today 275 lbs, tomorrow 250 lbs, and in the near future 190 lbs…Chipping away at my weight like a long metcon, in incremental pieces, one fucking burpee at a time.
Video from Monday's Metcon, it's one of a half dozen workouts that I've done Rx, which means as prescribed for the uniformed. I ended up with a score which was respectable, 2 rounds + 11 reps. When I went to Potomac Crossfit to pick up my meals, I saw that the high score up until the early evening had been 2 + 15 reps. Not bad for a fat guy.
There is a 2 minute delay from the time the video starts, until the actual work begins. Also the last 2 minutes are my favorite, as I am clealry giving everything that I have left in the tank.
The WoD was to do 7 hang squat snatches, 7 squat cleans both with 95 lbs, and 75 feet of walking lungs with a 45 lbs plate.