01/07/2012 Paleo Challenge Kick-Off & Fucking Plateau from Hell, Official Weigh In

Paleo Challenge Kick-Off Today

Today marks the first day of the PCF Paleo Challenge.  At 1 pm today will be the first workout, which involves three separate workouts.  These are going to be the baseline for our performance index.  You can read more about the challenge from a previous days post.

As I am recovering from bathing in soy sauce naked last night, I started to think about all the shit I will have cut out.  I haven’t eaten much in terms of rice or noodles since last march, but as an Asian person those things are innately chinky, much of Korean cuisine tastes exponentially better with rice.  I have to further cut out legumes, which means no soy which means no soy sauce…mutha fuckas trying to see someone commit a homicide.   I don't know what's more disturbing the idea of my large body in soy sauce or when you google search "soy sauce bath" that pictures of asian babies being bathed appear.

Angry Asian Guy in Full Effect Bitches!

IMG_1925

So after my soy sauce enriched bath, I found myself thinking about what additional changes I have to make to my diet over the next 30 days.  Chesley a fellow 6 am PCF’er posted on my blog about her Paleo Challenge last year and how she lost 25 lbs, which on her frame would be like me losing 100 lbs.  One of things she did in going strict Paleo was cut out fruit.  Now fruit is not a bad thing but the fruit we eat today has been engineered to be sweeter and has a higher sugar content then those fruits found by our Paleolithic Ancestors.   

In order to truly push the fat loss threshold I think I am going to eliminate fruit for one month, because I am diabetic, and my goal is to lose fat, so anything to keep my insulin working in harmony with these goals is probably a good thing.  

The one thing that is causing me the most trouble is trying to find a replacement to my morning pre-workout snack.  After reading the following Clarence Bass article I decided I wanted to eat before a workout.  At 5 AM in the morning I have a hard time eating regular food before I go to workout, so I have been eating balance bars.  Trying to find a Paleo friendly bar is not easy.

In the interim I will eat the couple of Quest bars I have left which are far cleaner than most, but contain a small amount of dairy.  I was told by Liz that Larabars are good and paleo friendly, but should be limited because they have a high sugar content.  Fuck me…this is going to be tougher than I thought.

My only concern is that not knowing the calorie content of my Catalyst Meals is going to make it difficult for me to make sure I eat enough.  The idea that I should eat when I’m hungry is insane, I’m a dysfunctional person when it comes to food, so if you tell me to eat when I’m hungry I might just eat your foot as you’re talking to me.

So begins 30 days of pursuing my nutrition like my workouts.  One additional note, I have to replace all the great tasting things in the world for fucking coconuts, so I’m ordering Coconut Butter, and Coconut Oil, which is fucking insane because for the most part I hate fucking coconuts, fucking coconuts.  If I had to eliminate pork as well I’m sure that I would have kill someone by the end of week 1.

Fucking Plateau from Hell

Official Weigh In 01/07/2012

274 lbs

31.2 % Body Fat

I’m beginning to think this machine is a piece of shit.  The last time I weighed myself was December 20th 2011, where I weighed 269 lbs, and a body fat of 29.9%.  By this math I have apparently gained 5 lbs of straight fat. 

269 * 29.9% = 80.43 lbs of fat

274 * 31.2% = 85.48 lbs of fat

A difference of 5.05 lbs, which means I’ve gained 5.05 of straight fat.

I can’t tell you how frustrated I am.  I’ve written about it on numerous previous occasions, but it’s reaching the point where I am starting to feel that I’ve been given a life sentence at this weight.  No matter what I do it doesn’t move the scale.  My pants aren’t fitting any better, and I’m not improving my mental state of mind because I feel like I’ve been in a fucking pit of hell that I can’t climb out of, this is about as bad as I have felt in quite sometime.

There’s a phrase that I use when people e-mail me about how I lost the weight that I have, and when people make plans to go to the same fat camp I do, they often ask for advice.  I tell them that incremental progress over a period of time equals substantial results.  I haven’t made a single iota of progress to towards the goal in 6 months, and I want to take my head and bang it into a wall, or commit hari kari. 

Hari kari

The Paleo Challenge I think is hitting me at the right time, and I’m going full board without reservation, if at the end I don’t make progress I’m probably going to strap a bomb to my stomach and just enter into a weight watchers meeting and put all of those sad sacks out of their misery, because if my effort can’t make this shit work, getting together in a meeting is truly hopeless.

01/06/2012 Workout Recap

The WoD involved doing 10 minutes of death by Hand Stand Push Up but being a sumo wrestler with the arms of a ballerina I did the seated dumbbell press.  I started with 50 lbs dumbbells and was able to get to 5 rounds with these and finished with the 45 lbs dumbbells.

The metcon today involved doing 5 rounds for time of 5 dead lifts at 275 lbs, and 10 burpees.  I hate burpees.  Any movement that causes me to have to move my own body weight is hell.  I did the dead lifts at 225 lbs.  We haven’t done much work on dead lifts over the last month, so I’m sure I could have done this WoD at the 275 lbs but we were told to shoot for a 5 minute time, so I went with the 225 lbs. 

As you watch the video my one bit of pride, is that I’m starting to learn how to burpee efficiently.  The first round of work I finished in about 40 seconds and when I got up and looked at the clock a part of me went, what the fuck just happened? 

After watching a bunch of the coaches over the last couple of months, I’ve realized that first you have to commit to the movement and just drop to the ground using your arms to prevent you from smacking your face on the ground, which I don’t need, my face is flat enough already.  Then once in the down position you have to really work to keep your feet wide and just jump straight up.  Previously I was doing what I think are called squat thrusters, where you get into a squat position each time then kick your legs back, and do the reverse on the way up. 

I finished the WoD in 4:44, and felt good about my time. 

 

3 responses on “01/07/2012 Paleo Challenge Kick-Off & Fucking Plateau from Hell, Official Weigh In

  1. Brian PCF

    If you say on the one hand:
    I’m eating Lara Bars
    And on the other hand you say:
    I’m eating 100% Paleo
    You’re getting a “Paleo” Cock punch when I see you at the meeting.
    STOP FUCKING EATING BULLSHIT BARS!
    If that was too lovey dovey, let me know.

  2. fattestblogger

    Brian,
    I almost choked on my eggs, when I read this shit just now. After yesterday, reading some stuff on Whole9, I’ve accepted the fact that I am eating only meats, and veggies.
    Apparently cavemen didn’t fucking do “convenience”.
    You should add “Paleo Cock Punch” to the BWILSON book of Paleo.
    Lou

  3. Chesley

    I love Brian’s direct and frank, no bullshit, tell you like it is approach! I second his emotion. Stay away from that crap, it’s no good. Train your body to eat meat meat meat meat.. veggie veggie veggie. Prepare food ahead of time so it’s there for you through the day/week. Use your prepared meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This usually involves cooking a ton, but you have to do what you have to do to be successful.
    Eggs and bacon are always good in the AM. I just boiled up 16 eggs and basically cooked up three packages of bacon. This will be my breakfast all week and it ‘s already prepared. Whatever I cook for dinner the night before, I make sure to cook enough to last me for at least one lunch and one more dinner. That way I’m not cooking every single night. Of course I’m cooking for two (me and bryan) so this requires a lot of fucking food. I’ve found that when there is enough meat, veggie, and fat in my meal, I’m simply not hungry for snacks. Anyway, from someone that’s been doing it for over a year, I’m willing to help out wherever I can to see you be successful. I’m sure they told you this in the meeting on Saturday, but your best bet is, if you’re going into the aisles in the grocery store (unless you’re getting coconut milk, coconut oil, olive oil, or toilet paper), then it’s not paleo. You can find everything you need in the meat and produce section.

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