03/12/2012 Official Weigh In, Changing my Meals, CFE Addiction,

Official Weigh In 03/12/12

254 lbs

I am not surprised by my weight, in fact I new what I would weigh even before I got on the scale.  I’m developing a relative understanding of how much my body weighs on any given day based on how I feel, where my gut is in relation to my manboobs, and just in general whether I feel bloated or not.

I’ve come to a realization that there are a few factors which are crucial to weight loss, based on my personal experience and my recent plateau, I know the following, and it’s hence forth known as simply “The Way”.

  1. Controlling insulin through diet is paramount to mobilizing stored fat cells.
  2. Sleep, good healthy sleep is necessary not only to just function, but it will inevitably control how you eat as well, think about the last time you had a day of just mindless eating and recall if the night before whether or not you got a good nights rest.  The Paleo Heads swear by an 8 hour night, which I’m not sure is accurate, but what is clear is good sound sleep is necessary.
  3. It’s a lot easier to stay full on a diet that uses fat as a substantial source of calories instead of carbohydrates.
  4. Calories do matter when put in the proper context, I now believe the major issue with most weight loss methodologies is that they look at specific parts, and specific points of view not taking into account the entire picture.  There is no point in trying to control calories when your macronutrient profile isn’t conducive to weight loss, and your hormones are whacked.  In the battle against your internal systems, you my friend will lose every time.
  5. Physical activity is necessary, the weight loss path is one that is 70% made up of what you put in your mouth, but that last 30% is driven by what you do with your body.  The more active you are the easier it is to eat clean.  There are consequences to not eating well when you partake in physical activity; further the strength and sense of well being you receive from working out all work to empower your mind as well as your body. 

In the last few weeks I know that I’ve stayed strict on what I eat, yet I think I have been overeating.  Through a combination of overworking (work), overworking (CrossFit), and not sleep, I found myself taking in large servings of meat after a meal.  It typical fat guy activity of double dipping, at one point I had to stop myself, and I realized that I was starting down the road to 400 lbs again.

I remember eating an entire KFC 4 piece meal, then eating some Korean BBQ, with a big ass bowl of rice, and three sodas to wash it all down, and five or six cigarettes to settle the bubbling in my stomach.  I almost feel like my go to method of coping when tired is food, not sleep, not rest, but food.   

With the goals I have for this year, I know in the next two weeks I have to change something with my meal plan, and do everything I can to eat like a normal person.  I’m going to start by making a slight change.

The Power Supply meals I order, which are Paleo Meals delivered to my CrossFit gym, are ok, but the portion sizes are inconsistent.  Often times lunch isn’t adequate enough, so I‘ll take something to make sure I stay satisfied throughout the day.  Sometimes I will end up eating two lunches. 

This is not good for a reforming fat guy, those two lunches are still half the size of my normal lunch but it’s a mental pattern that I have to break, so I sent an e-mail this morning to Power Supply to cancel my lunch meals.  I am going to just order dinner, and use them as my lunches. 

The Power Supply dinner portions are better suited for a girthy man like me.  They will make a decent lunch, and I will cook a little more, which is better because I can exercise more control over what I eat. 

I’m also hoping this will get my caloric intake more inline with my goals, and I am going to find that healthy medium where I am still losing weight, yet maintaining workout performance.

Eating is something that I have to learn how to do, and establish patterns and habits which are conducive to my personal healthy state.

We’ll see how this works through this month; I’d like to get below 250 this month, in the mid 240’s.  I really want to see that 244 on the scale, 200 lbs.  At that point I am seriously going to find a cosmetic surgeon to get a consultation on my excess skin.  I can see the excess skin all over my body.

CFE Addiction

I hate running, it’s no mystery that I fucking hate running, but the interval training we are doing is becoming addictive.  The first two intervals always suck.  It’s in the third and fourth that I am able to find what I am always seeking.

The dark place.

I am oh so happy to have found my dark place again.  I’ve experienced it twice, where I’ve almost wanted to completely give up, but was able to push through getting stronger.  It’s like a wall of shame I feel because I feel weak, and when I can power through it, I feel invincible, this is all irrational thoughts, and behaviors but it gets me to do things which I have been unable to do in the past.

If I can continue to experience this through CFE, I’ll be hooked.

I was thinking about my initial mile time trial of 7:09.  A year ago today, I was over 370 lbs, and if you tried to get me to run 15 feet I would have choked, and passed out, or broken my knee.  

Running is going to become something I love to hate, and hate to love.  Fuck me…

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