Understanding my goals, my year, and myself part 1.


an effort to better understand my own words, I am going to analyze my goals, I
think some of the thoughts I put down last year were great notions but without
further introspection as to why it was important to me they got lost as the
year went on, I’m going to try and do this in parts.

post is solely an effort to understand my Personal goals for the year 2013.  I’ve broken up my personal desires for the
year into two categories, Physical and Spiritul.  Physical goals those directly related to my
health or the well being of flesh and bones, while the Spiritual goals are
those related to my well being, and those things that are more directly connected
to the core of who I am, and who I want to become.

Personal Examination of my Personal
Goals for the Calendar Year 2013

Physical Goals – it’s important for me to not for granted
the progress I’ve made over the last two years, 443 lbs seems like a millennia
ago and I have to continue to make progress while pushing the boundaries of
what I think I’m capable of, there once was a time where everything physically
was out of reach, the only limitations I face today are what my brain can

  • I will lose 50 lbs, and fit into a size 32 jean.

Why: I am presently fluctuating between 238-245 lbs, so this
goal was based on a conservative assumption that I am maintaining a weight of
245 lbs.  I want to get below 200 lbs, so
I figured 195 lbs is a good place to be, this is not just a magic number or
threshold that I need to cross, it’s more of the numeric target for a bigger

If I am going to have the body contouring surgery where
essentially the doctor is going to cut me open, and pull my skin as tight s
possible, I want to physically be as lean as possible.  It would drive me insane if I had the
procedure done at 215 lbs, then lost another 10 lbs to only have loose or
flabby skin anywhere on my body.  I am
tired of being both flabby, and loose, it is tough to feel masculine when your chest
sags to your belly button

How: I will need to develop a more consistent routine with
my meals during the workweek.  I can no
longer allow myself the slack to cheat, this year is the home stretch, and I
can’t lose sight of the final year of feeling fat.

As was the plan from last year I am going to continue to do
CrossFit, while supplementing my routine with CrossFit Endurance, and other Endurance
activities like biking, and swimming.   

Pitfalls: I cannot allow others to sabotage my plan, I am
going to learn to say no to my family, and associates and not allow myself to
be drawn into eating out when I have a set meal planned for a set day.  I will allow myself occasional cheats, but I
must keep them short and sweet as to not get stuck in a cycle of cheating.

Keys: What I put in my mouth outweighs everything I do in
the gym.  I can run 12 miles, do Fight
Gone Bad 5 times, and then row with the altitude mask for 2 hours, but if I
polish off 5 gallons of Chunky Monkey I’m fucked.

  • I will run 3 races this year, one of them being a
    distance longer than a 10k.

Running will forever be stupid and for the most part useless.  I fucking hate running but realize I need to
run not only because of the challenge, but it will help me stay lean.  The races will serve as checkpoints, or the
reason that I continue to run on a regular basis, while the goal of a distance
longer than a 10k I want to see if mentally I can handle running for more than
6 miles.

CrossFit Endurance was supposed to be a one month test to improve my running, it
is now a part of my regular workouts because it helps increase my lung
capacity, keeps me lean, and challenges my 
pain cave.  I will have to find
the right balance between CFE workouts and the regular WoDs.  I will sign up for the whole season starting
in March, and will commit myself to running Long, and Ultra distances after the
first full month.

I have to watch out for fatigue, and injury. 
I pushed myself pretty hard last year, and when October rolled around I
was ready for the running to be over.  It’s
tough on the schedule, and at times regular CrossFit Suffered, I have to find
the balance that is best suited for mountaineering.

I have to stay committed, even if it means missing a workout, yet making up for
it by doing it by myself while on vacation, or on an off day. 

  • I will have a 1 rep max of 335 lbs for my back squat, and break 400 lbs for my deadlift.

Back Squat and Deadlift were the only two lifts I could do prior to surgery, so
I have greatly improved my technique on both, they are also the building blocks
for everything else, I would have included the press to just score a CFT number
but it might be June before I start lifting overhead regularly. 

for a 1RM on the Back Squat would only be a 10% improvement from the CFT we did
in November 2012, with this number I’m also assuming that the angle which my
arm has to rest in the back squat will affect when I can actually start to
squat heavy.  The rotated arm position that
one uses to brace the bar is almost impossible 01/17/13, so I can’t imagined it
will be good to go until Mid-April. On the deadlift 400 lbs is just the number
I want to achieve.

As soon as I can start to WoD again I need to get under the bar and work on
technique on both of these lifts until I am cleared to start to lift
heavy.  Putting out consistent effort
over multiple weeks will be crucial.

The biggest hurdle is my own disappointment, and self-loathing.  I can’t allow these feelings to take me off
track, or allow me to lose focus whereby taking a step back on my progress.

I need to pick a lifting methodology, formulate a plan using that lifting
method, and then seeing it through, staying on track and making progress is
key.  If I choose say Wendler I need to
make sure I’m on course, and push myself on those final worksets.

  • I will walk 1200 miles this year with Benny, with at
    least 10% of the mileage carrying loads.

Why: I need to be a better dog owner and take my dog on
longer walks like I used to when he was a puppy.  When I was in the 300’s I used him as a
reason to walk 3-4 miles twice a day for many months, he loved those
walks.  Today I only take him for 3-4
miles total for the day, it’s about half the distance, I need to pick up the
pace, and get more consistent with the mileage and the days.  I am going to use some of the time that I
walk him to train for myself, by loading a backpack with weight and walking the
hills of Arlington.  I don’t give a fuck
if people stare at me, I already told everyone to fuck off on my birthday,
telling them to fuck off in person when I’ve got a ferocious white dog, and a
big red backpack is nothing.

How: 1200 miles over the course of 365 days is about a 3.1
mile per day average.  That doesn’t take
into account days being sick, days being on vacation, or days I pawn it off on
Nancy.  I will net to set a target
monthly mileage each month, and then log my mileage with an iphone app, and
every week that I don’t hit the target I will take $250 and put into my cash
embezzlement fund regardless of how it affects my finances.   

Pitfalls: I have to walk the mutha fucka anyways might as
well use this time to accomplish something, so I have to be careful not to get
lazy and shorten the average distance hoping to make them up on the weekends
with long walks.

Keys: Consistency is key here, I have to be the US Postman,
rain sleet or snow…

  • I will get my first unassisted pull-up.

Why: I will get at least 1 unassisted pull-up because I’m a
guy and it’s embarrassing that my fat ass can’t do one pull-up.  It’s a key part of the sport that I’ve chosen
to pursue for a good chunk of my life, and in any case I need to catch up to Mickey’s
big ass so I can talk shit.

How: I will supplement my workouts with either recon ron, or
some other volume training methodology using assistance bands, and then working
my way down.  I will also have to lose
more weight because I don’t care who you are 250 lbs guys don’t do lots of pull
ups easily.

Pitfalls: Giving up, or losing focus when it appears that
either it’s too hard, or the end is too far away.

Keys: I have to always make extra time to do the volume
training, I need to record it, and then make adjustments during the year to
account for physical changes, my main concern here is overtraining.  I have to push-push without pushing myself
over the ledge.


Spiritual Goals- This is an area of my life that I’ve made
great improvement in over the last year, I’m starting to actually care about
myself, and make decisions that make me happy, I’ve taken on many responsibilities,
and often times have sacrificed myself for the good of family and friends, in
the end I have to take care of number 1, otherwise who the fuck can I help?

Why: I have to save at least half of the total cost of
surgery before I can even consider doing the procedure.  There are medical financing programs, which
is great but who wants to be in debt, and to be perfectly honest, I need to
prove to myself that I want this badly enough to save this kind of money in a year. 

Being flabby, and fat sucks, I need to cut away the excess
like I’ve thrown out my old clothes before I can move on and enter the next
phase of my life, the weight used to hold me down literally, it is now holding
me down in the figurative sense.

How: I am going to save all the cash that I bring in by
selling all the unnecessary shit in my life into this fund, while not buying
shots, or paying for shit that I don’t need to pay for to be the nice guy, I
will also eat out less, and tie this financial goal with my desire to lose
weight, if I’m eating less, I’m spending less outside of the home. 

I will also need to find a small supplemental source of
income whether it’s doing some consulting, or selling shit online, I will make
this happen for myself.

Pitfalls: I will not allow my negative talk, talk me out of
putting money away and buying more shit I don’t need, further in my desire to supplement
my present income, I have to be careful not to spread myself too thin, whereby
fucking up the whole train.

Keys: I need to get momentum quickly in the first 30 days,
if I can set aside at least 10% of that, I will be well on my way to building
the number overall.

  • I will make 2 trips out West, one of those trips being
    to California.

Why: My heart is in the West, the mountains are in the West,
and my soul yearns to be back in California. 

How: I will borrow, beg, cheat, and steal to make it out
west this year, one of the trips will have to be done by car because of goal 1,
but I will make a trip out there even if one of the trips is a business one
(cheat and steal).

Pitfalls: Not planning the trip early enough, and getting
stuck at home because of staffing issues, or spending too much money in other
areas whereby making this impossible because of the weight of goal 1.

Keys: I will need to exercise financial discipline like a
Catholic Nun exercises sexual discipline. 

  • I will take 1 trip out of the country, either to Europe
    or South America.

Why: My trip to Mexico taught me, that I’m a rube.  I need to get out and see the rest of the
world.  I hope to make it Argentina in
December to climb Aconcagua, but at this point in the year I have no fucking
clue.  Even if I can get to Canada, or a
few days in Mexico I need to get out and feel like a foreigner, and see the
world outside of the US.

How: I will have to either plan one of my personal or family
vacations to a foreign country. 

Pitfalls: Not planning the trip early enough, and getting
stuck at home because of staffing issues, or spending too much money in other
areas whereby making this impossible because of the weight of goal 1.

Keys: I will need to exercise financial discipline like a
Catholic Nun exercises sexual discipline. 

  • I
    will either start, or have the business plan completed for a new business

Why: For years I’ve written about my dissatisfaction with my
present business, and what I do on a daily basis. I want to spend time this
year finding another business I can peruse, and figure out if I can make
fly.  If the right opportunity emerges I
need to jump headfirst to get my creative juices flowing again, and creating

I’ve realized that I’m not an operations person, I am a
start-up person, I need to be there at the beginning helping something mature
and cultivate it into something spectacular. 

How: I will have to set aside specific hours each week in
order to study other business fields, visit other business owners, meet with
inventors, or people who are looking for investors.

Pitfalls: Falling in love with too many ideas, and not
picking just one that I am deeply passionate about, if the spark isn’t there
don’t force myself into a bad marriage.

Keys: The commitment and spark I feel now I have to preserve
and use it to get through the toughest times, because in the beginning a great
deal of work will result in zero reward.

  • I will climb 1 mountain this year above 10,000'.

I need to get to altitude again, and I’d like to do another skills seminar at
10k’ or higher, but if I can’t spend a week doing that I would like to get at
least 1 climb even if it’s in a weekend to get above 10,000.  Don’t ask me why 10,000, probably because it’s
a number that’s pretty high especially because I’m at sea level, but it opens
up the doors on a lot of mountains that I can do in a weekend.

I will need to train for this like I trained for Rainer last year, and set
aside enough money to do the trip.

Pitfalls: Not planning the trip early enough, and getting
stuck at home because of staffing issues, or spending too much money in other
areas whereby making this impossible because of the weight of goal 1.

Keys: I will need to exercise financial discipline like a
Catholic Nun exercises sexual discipline. 

I apologize if there are grammatical errors, or typos, but
this is really an exercise in open mental clarification, it’s 1 AM, I can’t fall
asleep and I’m trying to figure out my year. 
I put this out there to hold myself accountable to the outside world,
but also because I hope it helps some people who read this…more to come next
week with the other areas of my life.



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