Building and Breaking Walls

I debated significantly whether or not to post something to this blog again… It reminded of the internal debate a young man goes through the first time he asks a girl out on a date (clearly I’m thinking of a time before text messages).

An internal debate of “should I” or “shouldn’t I?”

As I took Benny for a walk this morning something visceral stung me akin to the the hyper anxiety of rejection. Somehow over the last two years I’ve found myself in a place I’d thought I’d never be…

Two weeks ago I broke the 300 lbs mark for the first time in 3 years. I don’t know how I got here, yet I found a way to rebuild my fat wall.

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For most of my life I’ve built walls brick by brick, chip by chip, cookie by cookie. When I broke this lifelong wall for the first time working out with Sam at Fitness Ridge over 4 years ago it became easier to punch thru the wall than it did to continue to build it. That first workout with Sam changed my perspective on my own abilities.

I’ve gone from 223 lbs in 2013 to 323 in 2015.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and somehow I’d rebuilt this giant wall without noticing its height.

Over the last two years brick by brick I labored back to a physically unhealthy place in my life. It happened so subtly, so incrementally, when I started to put the breaks on to avoid hitting the wall I was too fat to care. Even more so the car was too fat to be going fast, so it was more like a fright train trying to halt its forward momentum. Regardless of what I did I kept getting fatter.

I bought an incline treadmill in January which took until March for me to receive. I tried to workout with Maria doing one on one sessions of CrossFit, I even hired a personal chef to deliver premade meals. All of these in vain because I’d become a bricklayer.

One by one, I’d placed mental obstacles in my way, one by one I’d placed bad habits in my way, and one by one I’d placed reasons why I didn’t have the time to workout.

Last week Oli, a guy I used to workout with at WSC texted me he’d be able to do personal training with me at my home. I jumped at the chance. The first two sessions made me laugh because I truly didn’t understand the extent of my poor health.

Then yesterday things seemed to turn, and Oli kept telling me to break thru the wall, he’d seen me do much harder, and I just needed to embrace the discomfort.

Each moment of wanting to quit yesterday was overridden by the sheer desire to not feel crappy anymore. And as his happened I started to chip away at my wall.

Consistent incremental progress over a period of time leads to exponential gains…chip by chip, I’ll breakaway the walls I created to my physical health.

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