Losing weight, at it's very core is a struggle of self.  The self you hate, the self you love, and the self that you want to be, imagine every aspect of your life providing you negative reinforcement.  Being an obese person is like being a misbehaving dog, everywhere you turn you are reminded of things you can't do, and if situations that you trying to avoid.

I actually spent 8 years avoiding everyone that I had ever befriended.  I spent years ignoring phone calls, losing e-mails, and disregarding snail mail invitations.  In that time I missed five weddings, the 1st birthday of 6 children of friends, and oh by the way I don't know how many birthdays. 

It's all a result of negative reinforcement.  Whatever you wear as an obese person makes you look unattractive, further the majority of the time the clothes that are the most comfortable, those rare items which don't make you want to crawl out of your skin are usually the ones that make you look fattest.  Wherever you go the chairs don't fit, and sometimes as soon as you sit down they make a noise that screams "OH SHIT I'M GOING TO BREAK!".

Try flying as an obese person, you who haven't bloated yourself to a BMI north of 45 typically shit yourself when you see a guy like me walk down the aisle of an airplane, the look in your eyes is like Robert DeNiro in Deer Hunter playing Russian Roulette.  As i get closer to your row it's like the hammer being drawn back on DeNiro's revolver, your heart is racing, and then "click" I've walked past do another aisle.  Listen, to me I am just as uncomfortable as you are, and at the same time feeling like shit because I'm encroaching on your "personal bubble".

Needless to say everywhere you go, everywhere you are, you feel it. 

Which finally brings me to the point I was trying to get to, the years of this type of negative reinforcement is hard, similar to the actually process of becoming morbidly obese it's a cycle of negative energy that becomes innate.  You feel like shit, so eat to feel better.  After a gorge you feel like shit, and then find the most passive activity possible, and then start all over again the next moment you can fit another piece of food in your gullet.

Losing weight is a personal struggle, yet it requires a team effort.  In building my team I've taken a huge step forward and decided to employee the use of a personal trainer.  The place that I'm having my training done is two blocks from where I live, and they have a unique situation.  First they only offer personal training, second they work as a collective of trainers.  You are able to work with more than one trainer, this has been great as the diversity among trainers translates into a diverse series of workouts.  So far I am happy I started with 3 sessions, and decided today to purchase 12 more sessions.  It remains to be seen whether or not I can stick this with the trainers.

Furthermore my family and friends who are the core of my team, don't really understand how crucial their roles are in my weight loss.  What seems like a simple thing say…going out to eat, when I am attempting to restrict my caloric intake is a huge disservice to any progress that I make, it's really hard to say NO.  It really is a major deal.  Like holes in a damn each meal that I consume that is outside of my normal "weight loss meals" is like a whole in the damn.  It deflates any victories I have from doing the right thing.  It further causes the "bad thoughts" to creep into my head and allow the fat cycle to continue.  

My nutritional partner is bistromd.com.  They send me meals once a week each one under 500 calories with low levels of sugar, and high proteins.  I supplement the meals with Myoplex or Lean Body.  We are going into week two of this regime, and I am hoping to work into a third week.  I have been about 75% with the meals and supplements, and 100% on the working out.  Whether or not this incarnation of my lifestyle will take is really a matter of internal debate…