OUT OF TOWNERS READ MY REVIEW!

If you think PF Chang's is the best Chinese food in the world don't read this review.

But, if you think no matter what you do to a Chrysler 300 it still looks like a Chrysler 300 then continue reading…

Having
just spent a week in Key West enjoying the Sun, Alcohol, and Wickedness
that is Key West, we were looking for a great restaurant to cap off our
vacation.  With yelp as my trusty food guide we picked Sushi Rock as
many have quoted "the best sushi place in south Florida".  Even the
valet kid at our hotel said it was awesome.  

Thinking we would have a great meal we went…

If you like real Sushi then this place just flat out blows!  

We started our meal with the Usuzukhuri.

How
can you get crappy tuna when the gulf stream is 30 minutes off the
coast of Florida?  The fish was completely the wrong temperature,
meaning it was tepid like a melting pad of butter, and the fish tasted
like it marinated in some other dying fish.

For our meals we
ordered a combination meal with sushi, California roll, and steak
teriyaki.  The teriyaki was like beef jerky, drenched in so much sauce
that it was like a gooey teriyaki sauce soup.

We also ordered a
couple of the restaurants "signature rolls", can you say WTF?  We
ordered  the Big Bopper, the Michael Jackson, and the Crazy Roll.  

The
Big Bopper and the MJ are completely indistinguishable when it gets in
your mouth.  MJ has cream cheese in it which in this particular
application acts like a paste that melds all the other crap in the roll
together creating one big messy taste of cream cheese gone bad.  At the
same time the Big Bopper which is supposed to have BBQ eel and caviar
in it again becomes completely indistinguishable once it's in your
mouth.  In fact if you put the two rolls in your mouth with your eyes
closed you would think you are eating the same gooey pile of mush.

We
ended up spending $100+, I was at first shocked, then in awe, then
feeling I had been violated, and then just bitter.  I have no qualms
about paying for good food, but this my friends is a waste, and if this
is an indication of what is considered really good food in Fort
Lauderdale you are better off eating at TGI Fridays, or Subway because
at least at those places you know what to expect.  

I would
probably give this a two and half stars but I feel this joint needs to
be brought down to earth because the line of people that we saw after
us is clearly unwarranted.  

Hey Fort Lauaderdale you all
wouldn't know good Sushi if it jumped out of the gulf stream committed
hari kari or seppuku and laid pieces of it in your open mouth, and then
said "Sir, I am sorry for having taken so long to die as I am only 2
minutes fresh.".

I give this place a rating of "Belly Fat" 1 Star. 

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT
HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your
gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat
head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's
good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption
to become a professional sumo wrestler.