Inspiration is as Inspiration Does

I wrote not too long about what motivates me, you can read that post here; most of those points were goals, or emotions that I have which drive me.  After a recent post on the PCF blog I wanted to post a few ideas, and thoughts that I use to keep pushing.

1. How you finish determines how you progress in the next workout…I find that the most important part of any workout is the end, those last few reps, or the last minute of any AMRAP, or the final round of work.  It’s in these moments you find out about yourself as a person, about your determination, and your desire to succeed.  It’s here you muster everything that you have to prove to yourself that you are capable, and striving for excellence.  It’s also scientifically shown that the reps completed at the point of failure are the ones which help you grow.
2. Incremental Progress over time, equals Significant Improvement…I’ve found that as time moves trying to add an additional 5 lbs here and there, or taking a part of a Metcon and doing it Rx is a step towards doing all of your workouts Rx.  Everything that is substantial was started with something significantly small, a powerful river stared somewhere as a snowflake, or drop of rain which flows down a mountain and over time becomes a river.
3. Your body is ready to the work, your mind has to be taught to endure…Our bodies are something amazing, that science doesn’t completely understand, with an innate ability to adapt and survive, we have also been blessed with reason which at times can prevent us from improving our physical state.  The natural aversion to pain, is a stumbling block to our growth.  I push this barrier as much as I can, the pain you feel is a temporary moment of stimulus, it’s your body sending receptors to the brain to say hey I don’t like this because it might hurt us, I routinely tell my body to go fuck itself.  The pride you feel, and sense of accomplishment you feel when fighting through these moments is all yours, no one can take it from you, and it something you did on your own.
4. Attitude is everything…Your mental state of mind is everything.  If you show up tired, and lazy your workout is going to be the same.   When you don’t feel right, and you need to show up, fucking fake it, but show up determined and ready to do what you need to do, an indomitable spirit is a vehicle that will always lead you to success.  Never accept defeat, and use your small setbacks as motivators to improve those areas, and then improve your ability to work. 
5. Be Honest with yourself…Don’t sugar coat shit, your work is what it is, if you don’t do it right it doesn’t count.  If you had a bad day admit it learn from it, and grow.  We live in a society today built on false promises, false premises, and inflated egos.  Check that shit, and be honest with yourself.  If you can’t accept where you are today you will never succeed.  Acceptance is the first step in changing everything; this is what can really get me frustrated.  I look at a period of time, and look at the results and at times get too hard on myself because I am so focused on the end result.  Being honest with yourself can help you actually enjoy the ride.
6. The difference between winners and losers is that Losers race to Win, while winners just love to race…What I take from this quote is that results are the end goal are important, but importantly is how you got there, did you get there giving everything that you had, did you achieve second place after a half assed attempt or by challenging yourself every single day.  If you focus on becoming better each day, and find joy in the race then you are a winner.  I would rather come in second 1000 times knowing I did everything that I could to win, than 1 time having cheated, or fucked someone over to win.

This is not the gospel according to Louis, but are ideas that help fuel my motivation, take it for what it is…

A little bit on me…

I write this next part for the benefit of my fellow Brothers and Sisters in arms at PCF.  Most of you reading this have provided great advice, and for a large chunk of the population it’s fantastic, yet I understand where I am coming from. 

I was born 16 lbs, and my bulbous melon today is the direct result of being a watermelon passing through a human birthing canal.  From all accounts of those who where around then, my mother barely survived the birth, being the end of the 70’s c-sections were not as common place as they are today.  There is actually a picture of my cousin who is about 6 months young than me, lying next to me, and it looks like a regular Asian baby next to an a genetically altered alien, a descendent of Remulak.

I spent most of my childhood over weight, food was love from my parents, and from my grandmother who lost much of her young adult life to the Korean War.  My grandmother used to wake me up while sleeping as a baby to feed me, because she was afraid I would die while sleeping.

By the time I reached the 6^th I weighed 180 lbs, by the time I reached high school I was tipping the scale at 280 lbs.  Fortunately, I spent most of my youth learning Tae Kwon Do, and then started to play Lacrosse in 7^th grade, so for an obese kid I was mobile.   

Between my Freshman and Sophomore year in high school I lost a 100 lbs, I basically didn’t feed myself and used my Nordic Track like it was a syringe full of heroine.  I lived to wake up and spend an hour on that fucking machine, and burn as many calories as could, then I would spend the rest of the day avoiding food, adults who were family friends found it uncomfortable to eat while I was at the table, because there would be times I would burst into tears because I wanted to eat so bad, but chose not to, it was a mental test for me, which I won every day. 

This is clearly not healthy relationship with food, and it’s not sustainable.  My ability to function became impaired, and I eventually had to quit playing lacrosse because I just didn’t have the energy to play.  I spent the next 10 years of my life at 175 lbs.  After college, I opened a small business which failed, I lost a 100,000 of investor money.  All of these investors were either family or close friends of the family.

I went into a deep depression, and gained 100 lbs in less than a year, and couldn’t put the brakes on until I was way over 400 lbs.  I don’t tell you these things to garner sympathy or pity, but you need to understand that when you spend a big portion of your life battling something that you have to do, then some of your advice is misguided. 

If it were a simple matter of smoking, or drinking, you can eliminate those things and avoid them.  You can’t avoid food.  You can choose not to associate with people who do the things that you are avoiding, everyone has to eat. Add to this that for most obese people the desire to overeat is not just an emotional one, the insatiable cravings caused by out of control insulin levels, and unstable hormones are real and visceral, so how do you solve a medical problem with will power?

I bring this point up because the idea that I should avoid a scale, and just eat intuitively is not feasible.  How can you eat intuitively when your intuition is skewed into the wrong direction, and you have no idea what, and how much you should eat.  Further the scale is not everything, but again I don’t want to be a fit 275 lbs, that’s not the body I want to carry it’s a personal decision, which I have to live with.  Body mass matters, because studies have shown people who weigh less live longer, and beyond that it would make feel better not because society tells me so, because I am uncomfortable in my own skin today because of all the excess shit I carry.  The scale is a tool to help me understand where my body is at any given time.

I also need to measure the quantities of what I eat, so I know what’s acceptable, it’s not something I want to do, nor do I enjoy doing, yet again it’s a necessary tool in my life so I can condition my mind and body to understand what is acceptable in order to attain the physique I want. 

If I don’t know, how do I learn?  I have to measure and figure out what a good portion is, otherwise I will keep overeating.  In the last week I’ve realized that I was eating in the wrong direction and not eating enough.  This is something that most non-overweight people just don’t get, because you all do eat intuitively.  I want to be like you, but I have to condition myself to understand how to get there…

At the end of the day I appreciate everyone’s input, and enjoy the comments, because it gives me things to think about, I just wanted you all to know where I am coming from.