What a Tuesday Morning…I hate Fucking Running

Yesterday I rode my bike to Patriot Crossfit, which is about 2.8 miles from my house.  It was the first time I had been on a bike in more than 10 years.  You know the old adage about once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget, this I found to be true with an exception.

It’s true as long as you don’t go barreling down a hill and try and ride through a patch of grass you’ve never seen before because there might be a high curb which will cause you to brake really fast, and then slide off the bike, and on your ass…not that I know what that’s like…then when riding your bike on the sidewalk don’t expect people to move especially around poles, so attempting to ride one handed and navigate these peoples it may cause you to again slip off the bike and bump your head on something like a brick wall, again not that I know what that’s like…

So this morning when I got on my bike to head over to Patriot I was ready to tackle this beast without falling.  Fortunately I made it unscathed, and ready for today’s Workout of the Day.

Yesterdays WoD involved lots of squatting motions, this morning when I got out of bed my ass cheeks felt tight, so tight there was no fat jiggle, yes I do have jiggly skanky fat stripper ass cheeks.  So when they feel tight like I’m flexing them, it not only feels uncomfortable but painful.    

The WoD this morning would have been tough enough, but the conditions being what they were from the day before, the last thing I wanted to do was run.  Let me wax a bit philosophical on running.

Running is stupid. 

Unless you are running for your life from a large carnivorous animal, or running away from a woman who could make Glen Close from Fatal Attraction say what the fuck is wrong with her, or running to be first in line at the millionaire dollar give away, it is a stupid action. 

I like running as much as I like having large girthy objects inserted into orifices which are designed as outputs, or perhaps as much as I like listening to Sarah Palin tell me what’s wrong with America, yes I did just say Sarah Palin talking is about as pleasurable as being mounted by an elephant, I don’t care if you are a Democrat or Republican if you use the words “Sarah Palin” and “I’ll vote for her” in the same sentence I think you should not only have your voting privileges revoked but we should water board you into a place of enlightenment.

Getting back to the matter at hand, I haven’t run a mile outside in over 12 years.  I think the last time I did a run outside was on a track in college for the lacrosse team.  I’ve done a mile recently on a treadmill, but it’s not the same. 

The WoD involved running a mile, rowing 2000 meters, and running another mile.  It’s a Crossfit Hero WoD called “Jerry”, I don’t know the story on why it’s called Jerry.  I won’t say anything snide because he was probably a fallen soldiers.

I used my bike ride to Patriot as a warm-up, so when I got to Patriot my legs felt surprisingly felt loose.  I read this WoD the night before, and was dreading it from about 8 pm last night, I kept asking myself why is Jerry making me run two miles, and can I finish this thing in less than 30 minutes, so when I was standing there in the gym preparing for the WoD I felt nervous, butterflies in my stomach. 

By the time Erika said 3-2-1 go, I was on edge, so I think the first 200 meters of the run was just getting the anxiousness out of my system.

During the first 800 meters of the run, I felt good.  On the return leg of the first 800 meters I was picking up steam going up hill which surprised me.  My first mile was completed less than 9 minutes. 

When I got back from the run I had to go to the bathroom, which added an additional 2 minutes to my time. 

My rowing stride was great; I kept a strong pace of 2 minutes per 500 meters, which allowed me to finish the rowing in just over 8 minutes.

The last mile wasn’t so great.  It took me close to 10 minutes.  All together I finished the WoD in 28:48.  A nice first time, and a starting point.  I can put on my fat belt the notch Jerry completed. 

Not only did I run 1 mile today, but I ran 2, I think I actually felt my brain becoming dumber during the run. 

So to start my Tuesday I ran 2 miles, rowed a mile and a quarter, rode my bike just over 5.5 miles, and walked my dog 1.75 miles.  If you had told me 5 months ago that I could start my day with 10 miles worth of work, I would have told that it would be easier for me to vote for Sarah Palin, than do that workload. 

Leading up to this WoD I have been Crossfitting it out, trying to build myself up before I start back to really dropping some big numbers.  250 lbs is my next target, and I am tired of being in this holding pattern. 

Crossfit Workout Videos from the Past Week

Snatch

Metcon Video 1 & 2